Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

Attack of the Clones

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith critique

This is a rough draft of thoughts as I've watched Episode 3 a few times. The letters are things that I generally liked, and the numbers are things that I generally disliked. Overall, I really enjoyed this movie, despite what the number of criticisms vs. compliments might imply. It felt like a Star Wars movie made for the people who knew the story, and made a great conclusion to the series. The action was fair, but mostly I continually find myself riveted by some of the plot developments. In the end, it's a lot like Return of the Jedi: A good movie that just has a few too many things that challenge your suspension of disbelief to make it a great movie.

a) Clone fodder - Wow, did they just totally use the clones as cannon fodder? I guess that tells you the Jedi's moral stance on the clones; they're about the same as battle droids.
1) Why did those missiles chasing Anakin explode? I didn't see him do anything special. I've been informed that what he does is spin, causing the missiles also to spin, and thus collide into each other. While this is an explanation, it's a pretty weak gimmick on Lucas' part, since the missile would be tracking the heat signatures of the ship in the center, not on the edges.
2) (thanks to Ian) Droids that saw through your ship? Why not have them just explode? Boom!
3) I'm glad they have the luxury of watching R2 have an epic struggle with the buzz droid while flying through the middle of a heated battle.
4) Anthropomorphicizing droids. Especially those two checking out the Jedi starfighters; what are they, cavemen?! They can't even utter a complete sentence! "That nothing"?! And if I hear one more droid say "roger roger" I swear to the force I'll go dark side on all their asses.
5) Why didn't R2 just turn the comlink off? Come on, even 3P0 had that much sense.
6) Gravity. Space has no up. So when Grievous' ship takes a "nose dive" it should have no effect on the gravitic orientation in the ship...because if there is any gravity on that ship, it's because the ship is generating it, and it would generate it relative to the top of the ship, certainly not for any arbitrary direction in space.
7) Ah the robes. These Jedi take off their robes every five minutes in this movie. Why do they even bother to put them back on?
8) Ok, was it just me, or did it look like when Dooku drops that decking on Obi-wan that it smashed him hard right down the middle? And yet, he's completely fine! And if it did just settle onto him to keep him in place, I would say...why? Shouldn't Dooku just want to kill him outright? Why would he use the force to counter gravity and set it on Obi-wan instead of crushing him?
9) Dooku is officially the worst Sith I've ever seen. Sideous tells Anakin to kill him, and instead of trying to talk his way out of it, or having a contingency plan, he just looks stunned. Killing your potential competitors is the way of the Sith. Idiot.
10) Ray Shielding - "We're smarter than this." Ok, where did these "ray shields" come from? And if they're so Jedi proof, why aren't they everywhere critical?! Around the bridge, around the hangers. Oh, I know why, because "R2 will show up and turn them off". Yeah, wow, apparently whoever codes the operating systems for these things is also not smarter than this. R2 can undo everything they do, and he's not even part of their system.
11) "Well, at least we're still flying half a ship" ... with what exactly? It sure appeared to me that most of the drive and thruster systems were on the half of the ship they weren't "flying". So Anakin put that thing down in a straight line entirely with the help of gravity and the ship's repulsors, huh? Lucas needs to take a lesson in basic physics.
12) Padme and Anakin, part one - Ugh. I thought we were done with this after suffering through the last movie. Apparently we weren't. Poor Natalie is reduced to being a fawning, emotional background character instead of the headstrong queen/senator she'd been in the previous two movies.
13) "You'll be expelled from the order" - Ok, I never liked this. The Jedi train Anakin; he's generally considered one of the strongest Jedi. And if they find out he married Padme, they'd just cut him loose? What, exactly, do they think he would do at that point? He already broke one of their rules when he *was* a Jedi; once they kicked him out, don't you think he'd pretty much be guaranteed to go Sith and kick all their asses?
b) Mace stares down Anakin. Uppity Jedi don't say "What?" to Mace Windu. That was awesome.
c) "Why are you asking me to do this?" "The council is asking you." You know, for all the unfounded whining Anakin does, in this case he's right. The whole spying thing is unJedilike and really just setting him on a dark path, when they already don't trust him. I'm really not sure if I like this, or I dislike it. I lean toward liking it, because it does really show that the Jedi order is a fallible organization just like any other, especially getting into the idea of where the "balance" of the force is. They needed to be balanced so, in a way, the purge is what was coming to them. I also like it because it's exactly what the emperor wanted him to do. That's Thrawn-sneaky.
14) So they talk about how the prophecy says Anakin's supposed to destroy the Sith and bring balance to the force. Really, I've always thought that was a silly way of looking at it. That's not balance, that's tilting it to the side of good. Even the idea that through Luke is balanced reached (at the end of Jedi) still doesn't sit with me; it still seemed like the "light side" won. So they're pondering this, and then Yoda says "a prophecy that misread may have been". And that's the end of it. No discussion about what it could mean, what it should mean, or even what it does mean. They just nod and say "Yeah, ok, well, lets just keep doing like we were when we first interpreted it". Idiots.
15) Speaking of Yoda-speak...it was awful, awful, awful in this movie. Almost every line was not just misordered in that Yoda way, but at times it was almost nonsensical, travelling across multiple clauses so you're not even sure what the subject is. In Empire, Yoda talked mostly normally, just sometimes he would put the subject in a different place. It kept Luke on edge, it gave him character. This movie just makes him sound lame and annoying.
d) So the question comes up: Was this dark lord that could create life through the force a myth, or was he real? Was he *Palpatine's* master, and that's how he knows so much about it? Or is he a fabrication to further confuse Anakin? The reason I like this is because it's subtle. You don't really know, and neither does Anakin. I also like it because it begs the question...if this is true, is Palpatine (or Palpatine's master) Anakin's "father" so to speak, by causing him to be created by the force? Just coming out and saying "The emperor is your father" would have been retarded. This was a way of saying it without saying "it is the truth" and it makes it look like Anakin and the whole prophecy are just a pawn of the Emperor. Or it could just be Palpatine making up stories. Sneaky. Of course, maybe I'm giving Lucas too much credit.
e) I love the way Anakin oscillates in this movie, depending on who's playing to his pride and desires. One scene after talking to the Emperor he's brooding and angry at the Jedi, thinking the Emperor is the smart one. Then Obi-wan praises him and tells him he's the best Jedi and to be patient, and suddenly he's back supporting the Jedi again. It really shows how easily manipulated he was, and that natural aptitude isn't always the end-all...
16) The whole Wookie planet was completely unnecessary. It was one of two sequences in this movie that could have been replaced with something much, much better (which I would have done related to the hunting of Jedi. we'll get to that later). It had nothing to do with the plot, or anything. It was just there so fanboys could wet themselves over wookies, and so Lucas had a good reason to put Chewie in the movie.
17) How long does it take to get across the galaxy? This comes up a couple times in the movie...characters seem to fly from Coruscant to the outer rim and back in the blink of an eye. Do the hyperdrive technologies just fall apart so that by New Hope, in "the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy" that makes "point five past last speed" (whatever that means) that it takes so much longer to get from Tatooine to Alderaan? (that trip takes an extended period of time, since Obi-wan has time to do a fair amount of training with Luke).
18) Grievous vs. Obi-Wan. I meant to mention this back with the Dooku fight too; it's a little more prevalent there. These guys have huge advantages in weapon count, and they don't use them. There is no way Dooku should be able to block both Obi-wan *and* Anakin with one lightsaber. All they really need to do is coordinate their attacks and he should be sliced in half while blocking the other. silly. With Grievous the numbers are even more lopsided...he has four lightsabers and he never seems to use more than two of them at any given time (and never from divergent courses), if that even. It lacked a lot of flair or sense. I can understand Grievous not using them all because four lightsabers is a lot to handle with any sort of grace or dexterity, and as far as I know, he's not force sensitive.
19) Whatever that thing is Obi-wan is riding is lame. First off, it looks like a rip off of that thing from the 3rd Harry Potter movie. Secondly, how is it moving quickly enough to keep up with a robot driving that gyroscope thing? There's no f***ing way!
20) The Jedi council - these guys have to be the worst fighters in the history of the Jedi order. Mace comes to Palpatine with three Jedi masters in tow. Two of them are dead in the first two swipes, the 3rd guy gets a couple blocks in before dying from a glancing blow. Way to go team.
f) "I NEED HIM". I like the way Anakin goes from "It's the Jedi way, he needs to be put to a trial" to "I NEED HIM". It shows you that the idea of a trial was all just a front for him getting his way, which is what he's always wanted anyway. Everything he's done has all seemed like a means to that end.
21) At the same time, he goes Sith way, way, way too fast. I understand he'd been conflicted up to this point. Even after cutting off Mace's hand, he's still confused. "What have I done?" Then the Emperor says like two lines, and suddenly Anakin is his puppet, killing Jedi children.
g) "Go to the Jedi temple and catch them off-balance". I may be giving George too much credit again, but the way McDiarmid delivers this line, it almost sounds like a direct reference to the whole prophecy of "bringing balance to the force". The Jedi aren't as balanced and perfect as you think, and Anakin's going to catch them "off balance" and by killing them, start to bring about balance. Nice.
22) The Jedi temple scene needed way more time. They should have cut out the whole Wookie sequence and used that screen time for battle in the Jedi temple. You see battle going on in the background as Anakin walks into the room with the younglings for like 2 seconds. As Ian said, taking a fortress would make for a compelling action sequence, especially with the older Jedi trying to buy time, giving their lives for the children to have a chance to escape. Instead, all we see are the clones marching in, and it's intimated that Anakin kills the children. We're left to assume that the Jedi went down like a bunch of chumps with almost no valiance.
23x) Order 66, while it does make the most sense as far as being able to actually kill all the Jedi, was not as exciting as having Vader going from planet to planet hunting Jedi. That would have been cool. Instead, we get Yoda doing backflips and the Emperor cackling a little bit later. I'll bitch about that more when it comes up. Note: I'm somewhat rescinding this one's "critique" status. It gets a half point. The drama of having these jedi turned on by clones they'd been fighting along side for three years is pretty, well, dramatic. I still think there should have been true "jedi hunts" though, and I still hold that even in the midst of battle, the Jedi *masters* should have been had a little more danger precognition to make better defenses/escape attempts.
24) Ship security - So as Obi-wan tries to flee from the planet where he didn't die, he just walks up to a ship that's not his and flies off with it. Don't these ships have security systems? Or even keyed ignition? Or, hey, at the least, The Club(c)?!
25) "This is how liberty dies...to thunderous applause". Way to be heavy-handed again George. You'd been doing so much better too.
h) Anakin kills the separatist council. Oh, thank god. This was the worst conglomeration of bad guys in the history of film. This scene wouldn't really be good enough to get a mention if it wasn't Anakin doing what I'd been wanting to do since Nute Gunray first appeared in Phantom Menace.
i) While I still hold that Anakin went Sith too fast, once he became Sith, the dark emotions did take stronger hold...greed, jealousy, anger. While the dialogue is f***ing awful, I like the scene on Mustafar where he starts getting all jealous of Obi-wan and after doing everything *for* Padme, ends up losing to the dark emotions that have taken over him and choking her. Nice.
26) Anakin vs. Obi-wan - This was the problem with most of the lightsaber fights in this movie...they are way way way too close-up. Even sitting at the back of the theater and taking in the whole screen, they were hard to follow. You could see they were moving, you could see they were hitting blades, but it was hard to make out their swings and their techniques. This could have used a lot more wide-view shots. The fight in Episode 1 was well done that way. This wasn't a bad fight, and I liked that it was there. But it could have been done so much better.
27) Yoda vs. the Emperor - This one, however, was unnecessary, cheesy, and annoying. The whole theater is tense from the fight between Anakin and Obi-wan starting, and suddenly we're subjected to Yoda being witty and everyone's laughing as he bounces the Royal Guards off the wall. The whole fight continues in much the same manner, with Yoda bouncing around like a puppet, and the emperor being generally annoyingly insane.
28) Speaking of which, what is with the cackling? He spends this entire fight cackling! It loses any sort of depth or effect when he does it for at least every other f***ing line!
29) Hostile environments - Ok, so lava planet, sure, cool. But there were a lot of parts in this fight that made no sense. First was the lightsaber hitting the panel, and suddenly, something starts (or stops) running. Have these people never heard of redundant systems? One stray swing and either the shields are off (which would explain the upcoming bit about the melting) or the whole platform is moving? Lame. Then, Obi-Wan ventures out onto this narrow ledge. For no apparent reason. We come back from some lame sequence at the emperor's place to find Obi-wan suddenly out there, and Anakin following him. Why?? It makes no sense, it's just inviting himself to fall, it doesn't give him any advantages. What it does do, however, is set up the part where the lava spews up and melts things away, sending the platform tumbling upside down over a lava fall! So, let me get this straight. They built this whole thing out here in the middle of a lava planet. It's probably been there for some years as an installation. It apparently stands up to the lava, or has shields to do it, but for some reason, this time the lava melts it in half, and it goes tumbling away? Nice thinking there Lucas.
30) Anakin apparently can douse fire with the force. Because one scene you see him on fire, then when the Emperor shows up, he's not on fire, but all the fuel for the fire (himself) managed to not get consumed. Oh, right, I'm sure it was the force. What took him so long?
j) Obi-wan's last speech to Anakin is so well-acted, I almost forgot that the dialogue Ewan McGregor was giving was written by Lucas. Almost.
31) C-3P0 is apparently "getting the hang of flying". Threepio does not fly. Threepio does a lot of things, but flying spaceships is NOT ONE OF THEM. I don't care if he's "Getting the hang of this flying thing", it's outside the scope of his programming. He's a f***ing protocol droid, and he hates space travel to boot. 3P0 does NOT. FLY. SPACESHIPS. Period.
32) So Padme is physically fine, but apparently the medical droid can determine that she's "lost the will to live" because she is dying. That's dumb. The medical droid should have no concept of that. But anyway, still she's dying, and for no obvious reason. I'm going to borrow a line from Bart Simpson as Lisa is reading the Raven to him, and they open the door and there's nothing there. "Do you know what would have been (a) better (reason) than nothing?" "What?" "ANYTHING!"
33) "Noooooooooo!" I could have gone my whole life without hearing James Earl Jones as Darth Vader say that. This movie had a lot of bad scenes and dialogue, but I think that might manage to be the worst of them.
k) Seeing through Darth Vader's eyes. Yes, this was another gimmick to get the fanboys to wet themselves. Well, it worked. It was cool. F*** you.
34) Grand Moff Tarkin looked like a guy in a bad Grand Moff Tarkin Halloween costume. Seriously, it was like he looked enough like him that you'd be at a costume party and say "Oh, you're supposed to be Grand Moff Tarkin, huh?". But you'd never believe it was him.
35) "We have to send the children somewhere where the Sith will not detect them". Ok, so we'll send them to a senator who will probably have a fair amount of dealing with Darth Vader (we know Leia's dealt with him in the past when they first meet on New Hope, and he apparently doesn't manage to "detect her"). We'll send the other to live with his family. When you say it like that, it sounds stupid, but I can almost see this one making sense. If I were Anakin, I would never want to go back to Tatooine, and I'd feel no attachments to my step brother. Still, overall, i think that was a poor job of hiding.
36) But while we're on the subject, if Obi-wan managed to hide himself as well as Luke for so long, why do they wait until Luke's older to start training? Especially if training an older student is such a problem. It seems to me that they had 19 years there out on Tatooine that they could have been learning to swing the lightsaber. "Uncle" Owen not wanting Luke to learn the force is not a valid response to this. They didn't really need him anyway.
37) "Into exile I must go. Lost I have" Uh, why? It looked to me like Yoda and the Emperor were both in the same situation at the end when Yoda did the anti-lightning force push thing, except that Yoda fell, and the Emperor didn't. If he'd grabbed his lightsaber and gone back up, he probably could have won. It was just a cheap line to keep in continuity for the original trilogy. Of course, if he'd won, then it would look like everything Palpatine said about the Jedi assassinating the Emperor was true. This is all just more reasons why that whole battle sequence could have been left out. There could have been way better reasons for Yoda to have to go into exile...like being hunted.
38) Oh, I forgot this one...when Obi-wan and Yoda are in the temple toward the end, they start calling Palpatine the Emperor, even though this change in title was just occurring at the senate while they were doing their little subterfuge to change the message. So, how did they know he was now an Emperor instead of a Chancellor? Did they have the TV on back there, watching the senate recordings? Doubtful.
39) Why does C-3P0's memory get wiped, but not R2's? Not just that, but R2 gets to make a sassy comment about it! Dude, that's jacked!