Poetry
"I've got a little black book with my poems in..." Ok, so in my case, it's a Word document called "randompoems.doc" that I open up whenever inspiration strikes me. This is actually just my favorites from my poetry packet from high school english, mostly the funny-ish stuff. I highly recommend "The Wall, Russ", especially. So yeah, I hope you enjoy it.
"A Man Of Many Words"
There once was a man who walked around town.
They say that this man was world renown.
He spoke in riddles, poems, and parables,
To put across all of the stories that he tells.
The people all sat and they pondered them,
While he continued to speak and confound them.
One day a man had had enough of it all,
He luckily met the man in the big mall.
So he stopped and he said
To the man he had met.
"If no one understands the words that you speak,
then why do you bother with verboseness each week?"
"Gravy Trader: The Epic Tale Of Coconut Monkey"
The light it shone off the adventurer's head
His skin was a tint of an odd brownish-red
His body was shaped like two round coconuts
The larger on bottom and smaller on top
His bright yellow nose looked like a ping-pong ball
His eyes were white ovals with black little balls
His a mouth a black hole in his coconut face
And the mouth it could take on dif'rent shapes.
To his friends he was known as the Coconut Monkey
And he's not in the adventuring business for money.
His true occupation is that of Gravy Trader
In times before instant gravy was thought by its inventor
He travelled the world in search of new gravy
To get any flavor for everyone's savvy.
Well all had gone well 'til that horrible day,
When a squat little man in a funny beret,
Came and attacked our delightful young hero
This evil one C.M. came to later find out and to know
Had the name of Pierre and detested our quest
He wanted the gravy for himself not the rest.
After the attack (which had missed quite horribly)
Coconut Monkey's great quest went quite awry.
As the world's supply of the great gravy commodity
Disappeared though CM knew the cause of this oddity
It must be Pierre and his evilish minions
Who had once before stole all the world's onions.
And so, gun in hand, C.M. undertook this new goal
To retrieve all the gravy ole Pierre had just stole.
But first, a last meal, from the town's gravy supply.
Potatoes and meat with the last gravy Pierre left behind.
He munched on the food with napkin in lap,
When out came a paper that looked like a map!
"Avast!" C.M. said as he picked up the paper.
"It's the direction to Pierre's secret hideout!" he capered.
"He must have left them behind when he stole all the gravy
"Now I can get him and the gravy, well, maybe."
So he picked up his gun and mounted his steed,
A long-haired buffalo with good speed indeed.
Off he went, 'cross the long grain-filled plains
When suddenly the air quickly echoed a bang!
The buffalo fell to the ground in a heap,
And Coconut Monkey took quite a large leap
But when C.M. recovered the culprit was gone
And so, now on foot, he moved right along.
Two days had passed of C.M.'s great long trek
When a riverboat appeared with no one on deck
According to the map he'd found days ago
This river led south to the coast of Balaho.
So he boarded the ship and continued downstream
In Balaho waited Pierre and his regime.
Many miles downstream C.M. encountered a problem
His boat was attacked by man-eating piranhas.
Quickly using his glorious wit
C.M. shouted as he went into a fit
Of rage and destroyed the Piranhas bare-handed,
"I am no man but a monkey!" he chanted.
So, unwounded, he continued his way
And it happened that upon that very next day
He came upon a gravy-dependent town
That cheered his arrival and gathered around.
And offered the service of their buffalo army
To go 'gainst Pierre and retrieve all the gravy.
The army men mounted their buffalo steeds
And proceeded to hack through the Arizonian weeds
To the Balaho border where by order of Pierre
A heavy guard was posted to stop C.M. there.
So they camped just out of sight of the quite evil men
And made up a plan that would soon cause the evil's end.
The army of good approached the army of bad
And as the evil ones readied the guns that they had.
The buffalo soldiers lifted up in the air .
Using their buffalo wings to avoid the forces of Pierre
Then, from up high, they threw stale biscuits
And crushed the skulls of the border's defenders in minutes.
Now in the country where resided their quarry,
C.M.'s new army encountered a worry.
A fork in their path stood directly ahead
And which direction to take was not something the map said
So Coconut Monkey decided without hesitation
To send the others down one path and the other was his destination.
Once more alone he continued his quest
And it turns out that his path was the best
As a mile down the road en encountered the villain
And they prepared for the battle to take place between them.
Mono a mono, a duel, one-on-one.
Pierre dropped his cigar and they both picked up a gun.
Pierre took the first shot which again went quite wide
As Coconut Monkey stepped to the side
He set up a shot and pulled the trigger right away
But his shot only took off evil Pierre's beret
This continued for hours until the ammo was gone
Then the armless combatants started to wrestle 'til it was done
They wrestled around pushing each other away
And quickly Coconut Monkey came up with a way
To beat Pierre and complete his great quest
So he ran up a ramp above the gravy pot to the west.
Pierre followed and ran up at full speed
To the top of the ramp 'bove his gravy of greed.
Just instants before Pierre reached his position,
C.M. jumped from his height as he'd planned for this mission
Pierre flew through the air off the end of the ramp
And drowned in the gravy C.M. wanted back.
So the quest was completed, Pierre got not his way.
And C.M. is known as the greatest Gravy Trader to this day.
"The Wall, Russ"
A boy walked into a house one day
His head it ached and he began to sway
His friend looked at him with worry too
And wondered what he was going to do
The boy's name was Russel and his friend's name was Bob
Russel opened the door by turning the knob.
And then, right before him, stood a huge animal.
With tusks from its mouth not its head like a bull.
The creature of course was a hallucination
And Bob walked right through this figment of Russel's imagination
Russel went into a panic and pointed at the tusked being,
Then he screamed "What's that?" and stepped back as if fleeing.
Well, Bob looked at Russel's hand and he looked at the wall
And he couldn't see what was going on at all
After seeing the panic on young Russel's face
He decided it was time that he set thing's straight
So he said quite plainly through his state of confusion
"That's a Wall Russ" and confounded the delusion.
"Prolonged Exposure to Boredom"
The screen was dark
It left a mark
Etched in his brain
And he went insane.
"Buffaloish Memories"
Buffalo rides at the spring fair
Oh how I wish that I were there
Riding on back of buffalo
Oh that joy ye cannot know
The line would be ten miles long
All those people would not be wrong
To wait in line for such a time
Oh how I wish that buffalo were mine.
"Ignorance is Bliss"
The cow it had some spots
They looked like big black dots.
The cow is ignorant
Of why this poem was writ.
And sits there all alone
In the field which is its home.
Lack of knowledge led the way
As the cow it took a bite of hay.
"Voluntary Insomnia"
It's said a student needs eight hours of sleep
I assume that means per day not per week
So perhaps a compromise would be great.
Five hours a night rather than two or eight.
Still, five a night is not quite enough
My eyes get heavy and staying awake is tough
Well, after a year of this insomniac behavior
A summer of sleeping is quite a great favor.
Yet nine months to three is still not quite right
And needed sleep time makes schedules more tight.
So rather than not have the free time for fun.
I opt for insomnia rather than sleeping by gum.
"The Straggly Cat"
There once was a cat with no fur
It meowed and it howled and it purred
But by all it was mocked
And in a corner it rocked
For all other cats thought it a nerd.
"The End"
At the end of a long hard day,
The maniac lays down to sleep.
After a day of ravings and hallucinations,
He begins to see his dreams
And yet, when he dreams,
The world is restored
Back to its normal state,
When everything was right.
And so amongst his ravings,
The maniac looks forward to the night.
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